


An American Werecree in London

by orphan_account



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Anal, Banter, Beer, Blood, British, Cannabis, Cocaine, Dicks, Gay Sex, Gore, Halloween, Japanese, M/M, Marijuana, Robots, Wereplanes, Werewolf Jesse McCree, Werewolves, butt stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-02 09:31:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16302608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's Halloween, McCree is a werewolf, and Hanzo wants things up his ass.





	1. Chapter 1

McCree cracked open a can of beer.

"Hey Hanzo, guess what?"

"What?"

"Penis."

"Ok."

Hanzo left the room.

"You're a pussy, Hanzo."

Hanzo then came back into the room, suddenly flexing his muscles.

"Winston said it's my turn on the Xbox."

McCree sipped his beer. Then, he crossed his legs.

"No," cried McCree, staunchly.

"McCree you fucker!" said Hanzo, as he withdrew the stormbow. Hanzo shit an arrow into the ceiling and his spirit dragons broke from the ethereal plane, slithering into reality and knocking all the furniture over.

McCree spilled his beer and then the dragons started humping his legs and they started getting spirit drool and dragon precum all over his chaps.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh. Must be a trick-or-treater," mumbled Hanzo.

Little billy was waiting for the door to open. Now, he was only 12 but he hoped that the people inside the house wouldn't judge him for dressing as a Bastion, even if it was only cardboard. After all, the Siege Automatons were the deadliest mechanical manifestation of suffering and sin that single-handedly slaughtered over half of the fucking population before Billy was even born.

"Hi take your fucking candy and fuck off," said Hanzo, as he threw a bunch of empty beer cans at the child.

Then, Billy said "beep boop."

And Hanzo shot Billy in the fucking face.

McCree sighed and grabbed a lube tube.

"Let's do anal"

"ok"

It was a full moon so McCree turned into a furry and then he put his wolf-wee-wee into Hanzo's mancunt and they did it for the 6,000th time


	2. Chapter 2

McCree started cleaning up everything, but it was difficult because of his large wolf hands. Hanzo was just playing doom on his computer now and also he still wasn't wearing any pants or underpants.

McCree barked. Hanzo started spinning around in the chair.

"One fish two fish red rocket blue fish, are you ready for round 2?"

McCree just started humping a pillow instead and Hanzo was _really_ offended.

"This relationship isn't going to work out!" said Hanzo, as he brought his fist to the doggy's hairy dog balls.

McCree curled up onto the floor and cried. A lot.


	3. Chapter 3

Winston bounded into the control room.

"Oh my god, you guys!" screamed the kong. " _Lycanthropy!_ It's... it's everywhere! It's a fucking outbreak! At this rate, there will be more lycanthropes than gay ship fanfics!"

Mercy gasped. Soldier: 76 was masturbating behind a computer on the other side of the room but he actually stopped to listen to Winston because this really seemed important. Reinhardt even stopped painting his warhammer minis.

"How do you tell if someone else is a lycanthrope though?" asked Pharah. Suddenly, she turned into an Egyptian kestrel and started flapping around the room and squeaking and hissing at everything. Then Reinhardt turned into a lion and then got really pissed off because he couldn't paint shit with paws. Soldier: 76 didn't turn into anything so he went back to wanking really hard.

Winston sobbed. He grabbed a banana and left.


	4. Chapter 4

The trees quivered, though the moss sat motionless. The October air was biting, fog was curling through the tangled branches, and clouds had painted over the stars. Occasionally, only the full moon would shine through, and a howl would always follow.

Bastion trudged happily through the woods, though quiet as an automaton could be. He was thinking about chainsaws. Bastion really liked chainsaws. If he thought about them enough, he could feel the hydraulic fluid throbbing throughout his 600 pound gatling gun. It was nice.

Then, Bastion caught the unmistakable whiff of teenage angst in the air. He peeked through the bushes, spying a group of kids roleplaying as vampires or something. Bastion didn't like vampires. Suddenly, he wondered how he could even smell them, now. Smelling was weird. He liked it, though.

Bastion skipped and frolicked over to the teenagers. They gave him a few looks.

"Holy fuckin shit mate thats a pretty good costume," said one of them.

"Wanna help us steal candy from all the lil wankers?" asked a scantily clad vampire girl. Her costume was borderline exploitive.

Bastion pondered the question. He shrugged, then nodded gleefully.


	5. Chapter 5

Betsy heard the doorbell. Excitedly, she lifted the candy bowl with all her strength, as she meandered to the doorway. With her bony arthritis graspers, she fumbled with the doorknob until Bastion broke down the door and impaled his fingers around her shoulder blades, promptly shoving the pointed barrel of his arm-mounted chaingun straight up into her chin and out the top of her braincase.  
Bastion took the candy and handed it to the teenagers. Everyone clapped.


	6. Chapter 6

Benny wiped the babushka-blood from his candy wrapper, before eagerly consuming it.

"Thanks dude, you're the best. Uhh... Aren't you worried about getting your costume all bloody though?"

Bastion shrugged. He felt kind of awkward. Not because he just murdered a granny, but because the moon was really getting to him. He was really fucking autistic, so he hated lights, but for some reason the moon was even fucking worse than that. Bastion started twitching, a bit. He thought he could feel his cannon getting longer.

"Uh... are you okay?"

Bastion brought his hand to his head, in an attempt to alleviate the searing headache. As he grasped harder and harder, he began to realize that he no longer had a set of blunted metal fingers. They were _claws,_ already digging their way into his cranium.

One of the teenagers started screaming.

"HOLY SHIT AND I THOUGHT ATTACK THE BLOCK WAS SCARY!!!"

And then she started running away.

But running was a sign of weakness. A running target was more _enticing._

Bastion could feel the soul of an attack aircraft coursing through his wires, straight into his nuclear-powered heart. The space between his head and chest suddenly split into a twisted metal maw, and he brought his twisted, long appendages down onto the street, giving chase immediately. He stole all the kid's candy and ate it. The kid, I mean. He swallowed the damn thing like a fucking goldfish.


	7. Chapter 7

Hanzo poured a bottle of wine.

"This is for you, space cowboy."

McCree started scratching his ears, with his back paw. He wasn't from space so he got really confused.

"Sorry I tried to dump you," said Hanzo.

McCree started licking his no-no spot.

"You know," said Hanzo. "We should watch a movie, or something."

McCree drooled.

"We could watch An American Werewolf in London!"

McCree walked over and pissed on the couch and then all over the romantic candles that Hanzo had set up, turning them into nothing but melted wax and steam. Then, he shat in front of the tv. Hanzo started bawling and McCree started playing red dead redemption 6 instead, by whacking his furry dong all over the xbox controller.


	8. Chapter 8

Hanzo shone the flashlight down the corridor.

"Oh gee McCree, this doesn't look too good!"

McCree sniffed.

"I think we need our Scooby Snacks!"

McCree and Hanzo crammed the suppository scooby snacks up their assholes then continued down the corridor.

The hall was full of pieces. Of people... arms, legs, all that shit. Even a lone cock and balls, just sitting there. There was also a lot of blood. No bodies, though. Everything was all chewed up. Sometimes there were handprints and shoeprints all over the walls like they'd been struggling.

"Dude this is getting really spooky, man" said Hanzo.

Eventually the corridor lead down into some kind of spookier underground abandoned place. Hanzo had no idea what it was but it was spooky as hell. Suddenly, there was a scream. And then a snap. And then silence.

McCree sniffed the air, whining.

"Ruh roh," said McCree.

The ground shook. The walls rattled. A low growl echoed throughout.

Hanzo turned to the left. There was a red light slowly filling one of the nearby chambers. It was getting closer.

Then, an inhuman voice began to echo through the halls.

"Beep boop?"

"Oh hai Bastion" said Hanzo.

Twenty feet of artificial muscle and pipe tensed and flexed in unison, to turn Bastion's twisted, panelled neck to the side. He was staring at Hanzo, now.

There wasn't much left of the machine's face, if you could even call it that. Just one camera, backlit by the red, bloody fires of hell. Hanzo waved to it.

"Anyways, hows your sex life?"

Bastion whipped out his robocock.

_"Beep boop."_


	9. Chapter 9

Hanzo woke up with leather straps about his wrists. He tried to pelvic thrust his way out of them but it didn't work, and his lower body hurt too much for some reason. He also couldn't stretch his neck enough to bite the straps off, either.

McCree was tied in chains, rather than leather. He seemed extremely distressed by the fact that he couldn't lick his no-no place anymore, but he remained grateful that the chains weren't of silver.

"How are you still a werewolf, anyway?" asked Hanzo.

McCree shrugged, rattling the chains.

"Rai runno."

There was a heavy metallic screech, and a drawn-out scrape, as Bastion rounded the corner again. He kept hitting his head on the ceiling and it seemed to really piss him off.

"Beep boop."

"So how's it going Bastion?"

Bastion whipped out his robo _cocks_.

"BEEP BOOP," screamed Bastion, in the eternal voices of the damned.

"Roh mah gawd," woofed McCree.

The robocock on the right was some kind of ten-foot gatling gun, pulsating with wires and pressurized hoses. It was standing straighter than the washington monument, a million times straighter than Bastion's orientation. And McCree and Hanzo's, for that matter. Gotta be inclusive.

Anyways, the one on the left was some kind of monstrous, blood-slathered, bone-ripping chainsaw, layered with pipes and shit. Hanzo had never considered getting a chainsaw for a dick before, but now he was really starting to reevaluate his life choices.

The rest of the cocks were just some weird lovecraftian hentai shit. But made of _metal._

Awkwardly, Bastion began to pet the robococks. Now the chainsaw was leaking gasoline everywhere and the gun was just dripping some kind of weird colored shit that looked like the kind of industrial lube you'd see in an episode of How It's Made. The hentai ones were just getting gross oil and shit everywhere.

"Christ Almighty it's like he's milkin' a cow!" screamed Hanzo.


	10. Chapter 10

"You know Bastion, why do you create such terrible things? Why do you _do_ such terrible things?"

"Beep boop."

"I mean, you have to take it in context."

"Beep boop?"

"Before I answer that question, please take your fat fucking robot dick out of my intestines."

"Beep _boop."_

There was a concerningly loud _schlorp._ Hovering Japanese subtitles accompanied the action.

"By the way, since you're a cosmic horror wereplane now, can you just like speak english words or something? Or Japanese. I'm Japanese, you know."

Bastion tilted his head.

" ベエペ ボポ、 ハンゾ イサ ホモ。"

McCree nodded, quietly. he began to drool.

Hanzo cried.


	11. Chapter 11

Genji crawled over the ceiling, immediately slithering down the wall.

"Gray Fox!" screamed Hanzo. "You're alive!"

"Yes. I am here to save you, brother."

Gengy reached up his stretchy silicon ass, soon procuring a brick of weed. He offered it to Bastion.

"You free them, and I will give you this."

Bastion stood quietly, contemplating. He was still jerking off, and now this stupid weeb was _distracting_ him. Angrily, he learned over, exhaling a heavy cloud of turbofan exhaust into Penji's face. He maintained eye-contact.

"Beep boop."

Ganjo crossed his arms.

"No. Release them _first."_

_"Beep_ boop."

"Fine! Then you will taste the bite of my sword!"

Genjiggles whipped out his floppy little cyber-dong.

_"En garde!"_

"Beep."

Bastion awkwardly kicked Glando into the air. Immediately, he contorted and thrusted his own body in a violent maneuver, promptly whacking Glennyjiggers with one of his half-ton rotary vein canes. Jengi met steel schlong like a softball meeting bat. His body crashed through the wall, instantly disappearing from view.

Bastion erupted, then.

All over Hanzo.


	12. Chapter 12

The bullet cum dripped from Hanzo's eyes. Finally, he could _see_ again. Quietly, he glanced down to a puddle of blood. He could see his reflection in it and he looked like the stay puft man.

Bastion meandered over to the wall, where he found Genijals's splattered aluminum corpse. Happily, he took the brick of weed, immediately regurgitating a set of paraphernalia next to it. The items consisted of a single lighter, bathed in the digested chum of the innocents, and then a single flask, currently filled with a greasy, gelatinous hunk of industrial stomach fluids. Bastion spooned it out into one of the urinals.

The lighter was too small for Bastion's giant angry wet robot hands, though. Furiously, he started pissing fire and gasoline everywhere, in an attempt to light up. It worked.

Bastion tried to take a hit but he was too fucking huge and also he was a robot so it wouldn't've done anything anyway. Awkwardly, he daintily brought the bong into his claws, then shoving it into Hanzo's face.

Hanzo inhaled, sharply and strongly.

"Domo arigato."

He got a bit woozy, almost immediately.

"Mr. Roboto, I don't feel too good..."

Bastion stared, ominously. Though muffled, his engines were screaming in anticipation.

"Beep boop?"

"Hhgghhh?"

"Beep _boop."_

"Uhhh... huhuhuhuuhhh..."

Hanzo poked Bastion's "nose."

"Boop," said Hanzo.

"Boop," bellowed Bastion, piping his words through the lungs of the dead.

McCree sniffed.

Hanzo tried to take another hit. He kept inhaling, without even stopping. His lungs were about to burst. Eventually, he started inhaling so hard that the bong cracked and now the juices were getting down into his respiratory system. He choked and puked the bong water all over the robot's distorted helicopter face.

Bastion got _mega_ triggered.

"BEEP BOOP."

And so the robot began to flail everywhere, pissing fire all over his victim. Hanzo was spontaneously slathered head to toe in a deluge of gasoline, and the flames vaporized his hair and singed his flesh, melting it away until his fingers looked like pocky sticks. The room suddenly smelled like smoldering robot cum and saké. McCree screamed.

"HANZUOOOOOOOO!"

"MCCRREEEEEEEAAAAAA!"

"HANZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"MCCREEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"AWOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then, Hanzo fucking died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this doesnt count as **Major Character Death** TM because he will come back later (the next chapter)


	13. Chapter 13

"Thanks for taking us treat or treating, Bastion," said Hanzo.

"Beep boop."

McCree went up to a door and knocked and the lady opened it and then she gave him some tabs of LSD.

"Hey let's do LSD!"

"No" said Hanzo and he threw the LSD so hard that it went into the ocean

"Fuck you Hanzo."

Bastion leaned over, then. He started drooling all over McCree.

Hanzo slapped Bastion.

"Don't eat my boyfriend you ffffffucker," said Hanzo.

And then McCree started smearing his ass all over the pavement. It smelled really bad.

"Beep boop."

"I'm not taking him to a fucking vet, he's my fucking boyfriend!"

Then Bastion turned around. He began frolicking away, his feet leaving massive cracks and potholes in the road as he went. Then he tore through the roof of a flat and just started fucking eating people.

"Lets trick or treat in a different neighborhood," said Hanzo. "This one sucks."

And so McCree scooted his ass over to a different neighborhood. Hanzo followed, while eating a bag of cheetos. He didn't share any of them because he was a douche.


	14. Chapter 14

"Jesus fuck," whispered Mr. Gentry, under his breath. Awkwardly, he raised his eyes above the windowsill again, to peer across his foggy, forested lawn. To his dismay, the monster was _still_ in his yard, and now it was pissing oil into the fountain while cheerfully devouring all of Mr. Gentry's security guards alive.

"Bloody fucking bugger piece of shit good for nothing robot fuck," mumbled Mr. Gentry, gently.

Bastion abruptly turned his head to face the house, with the bloodied pair of human legs still dangling and flailing from his maw. He tilted his head, then, listening closer.

Mr Gentry jolted away from the window. "Awh, fuck."

Bastion immediately crashed through the wall. The legs were still sticking out of his mouth.

"Eh, fuck off. That was a perfectly good wall, mate."

Bastion tilted his head again, silently. Awkwardly, he attempted to swallow his previous victim but then he started choking very violently and getting spit and robot snot everywhere and Mr. Gentry just kept watching silently and it was awkward.

"Listen mate my show's on I'll see you in a bit when it's over but for fuck's sake can you clean up the mess when you've finished up?"

Bastion started dribbling all over the lawn.

 

* * *

 

Gentry cheerfully pressed the button on the remote. The tele flared to life, blurring and buzzing with light and color. He started to clap along with the beat of a catchy, funky piano tune as colorful tanks rode along the screen.

"They're here for war and spreading hate,

"Shelling fucks and killing apes,

"Tan and green and brown and black,

"They're the really useful crew!

"All with different roles to play,

"Pounding infidels so far away,

"Down the dunes and round the bends,

"Thomas and his friends!"

Gentry began to bleed from every orifice in his face. He continued clapping until the skin on his hands began to peel and flake away into dust. The images of wooden men and smiling tanks began to reinforce his inner beliefs of the social hierarchy, incessant racism, and self-fulfilling violence that he'd worked tirelessly to involuntarily create.

Anyways, then Bastion crashed through the wall, swallowing gentry like a fucking duckling, before enthusiastically and voraciously jerking off to what was still on the tele. He came extremely fast and it was like a fucking power-washer blasting a clean-cut hole straight through the glass.


	15. Chapter 15

Genji fell out of a tree.

"Hazno you fucking piece of shit I almost died back there!"

"Not my fault" said Hanzo and then Hanzo swaggered away. Glenjho followed.

"Do you have any idea how fucking humiliating it is to get smacked by a massive fucking robocock, Hanzo? Like, it's _this_ humiliating!"

Gehndo outstretched his arms to show exactly how humiliating it was.

"It's really difficult to measure humiliation in feet," said HGenifffkg. "But you get the idea, right?"

Hanzo shrugged.

"Seriously, you need to stop wandering into spooky caves that are full of dismembered people. All it does is cause trouble. I mean, there's a giant fucking wereplane helicopter robot on the loose and he's snatchin' everybody up, man! Last time I heard, he's on crack, too!"

Hanzo shrugged again. Genji slapped him.

"You can't just walk away from this, Hazno! _You_ started this!"

"Uh... what?"

"You puked bong water all over Bastion and now he's gonna eat the fucking universe! You see any Necronomicons laying around here, huh? I sure don't! How the fuck are we gonna stop this thing? Worst halloween ever."

"...How come bastion gets to be an all-consuming cosmic horror and my boyfriend just turns into a fucking useless furry?"

"McCree's not useless, dude. Have you ever been to deviantArt?"

Hanzo started getting a boner. Genebo stared at it, awkwardly.

"I'll take that as a yes."


End file.
